Consciousness, at its simplest, is awareness of internal and external existence. Let us explore this prima materia so that we may understand it better.
I've been coding a lot building Ouro. But I've also got a lot of writing to do too.
Writing copy and marketing material, posts here on Ouro, cold emails, etc.
I want to explore something I've noticed in my writing that I feel is the result of all the coding.
Hopefully this post can bring some awareness to other's experiencing the same thing.
There's something that's happens to the structure of the sentences I write that feels wrong. I recognize it right away but I can't help it.
I know it's just a temporary thing too. It makes writing take so much longer because the first draft of something I write flows out wrong so I'll have to spend a while editing it to have decent flow.
So what's wrong?
It's mostly a sentence ordering issue. I'll give a sample sentence and all the different ways it could be ordered so we can see an example.
First draft:
The sketch already looked like white marble, which is the whole reason I used that in the prompts from the beginning.
Second draft:
The sketch gave me the impression of a figure sculpted from white marble so I used that to guide my prompts from the beginning.
Third draft:
From the beginning, I included the idea of a white marble sculpture since that was the first impression I got from the sketch.
Fourth draft:
I prompted with the idea of a white marble sculpture from the beginning because that was the initial impression I got from the sketch.
As we work out more drafts, I feel the flow getting better. It's a pretty long sentence with a couple different ideas going on but I can tell it's getting better because I don't need to rely on commas to join two poorly flowing fragments of the sentence.
Let's focus on the first draft and the last draft and see how the sentence has changed.
The difference between these two sentences is that one came from the raw flow of words from my consciousness, and the other is the product of repeated sculpting and reflection on the original idea.
I'm reminded that it's okay that a first draft feels like a first draft. I can't expect my writing to come out perfect the first time, let alone after multiple drafts. There's no such thing as a perfect version, it's just another iteration.
As Rick Rubin puts it in The Creative Act:
"We can engage with any of the works we've been a part of and recognize things wrong with them. Maybe we didn't in the moment we finished them, but when looking back we often do. There are forever changes to be made. There is no right version. Every work of art is simply an iteration."
Now let's see if AI can help us understand how the sentence is evolving. The following sections will be a collaboration between an AI and myself trying to better understand the evolution of drafts.
If we can understand it better, we should be able to get closer to understanding why sentences flow out the way they do.
First draft:
"The sketch already looked like white marble, which is the whole reason I used that in the prompts from the beginning."
Clarity: The phrase "already looked like white marble" implies an immediate comparison, but it's somewhat vague.
Structure: The sentence is somewhat clunky, particularly with the phrase "which is the whole reason I used that in the prompts from the beginning."
Second draft:
"The sketch gave me the impression of a figure sculpted from white marble so I used that to guide my prompts from the beginning."
Clarity: More specific by describing the sketch as giving "the impression of a figure sculpted from white marble."
Structure: Improved with a clearer connection between the impression and the use of prompts.
Flow: The sentence is smoother, though still somewhat long.
Third draft:
"From the beginning, I included the idea of a white marble sculpture since that was the first impression I got from the sketch."
Clarity: The inclusion of "the idea of a white marble sculpture" makes it clearer that this was a deliberate choice.
Structure: Better structure with the cause ("first impression") leading to the effect ("included the idea").
Flow: The sentence flows better with a clear cause-and-effect relationship.
Fourth draft:
"I prompted with the idea of a white marble sculpture from the beginning because that was the initial impression I got from the sketch."
Clarity: The use of "initial impression" is very clear.
Structure: The sentence is well-structured with the rationale following the action.
Flow: The sentence is concise and flows logically, making it easy to understand.
In summary, the evolution of the sentence focuses on improving clarity by specifying the impression of the sketch, structuring the sentence to show a clear cause-and-effect relationship, and refining the flow for conciseness and readability.
Some other things to remember when producing a first draft:
The writer is likely thinking about how the sketch looked and why they chose certain prompts simultaneously, leading to a more stream-of-consciousness style.
The sentence "which is the whole reason I used that in the prompts from the beginning" reflects a spontaneous attempt to justify the choice of prompts without rephrasing for clarity.
The writer is managing multiple ideas at once—what the sketch looked like, why it influenced the prompts, and the timeline of these decisions. This can lead to a sentence structure that tries to incorporate all these elements at once but lacks refinement.
Writing is inherently an iterative process. The first draft is often a starting point that allows the writer to see their ideas on paper and then refine them through subsequent revisions.
Looking at the final draft compared to the first, we learn another major difference: the better draft has the rationale following the action.
This makes a few things clear:
Presenting the action first and then the rationale mirrors natural cause-and-effect reasoning, making it easier for readers to follow the logic.
If the rationale is presented first, readers might get bogged down in the explanation before understanding what it pertains to.
By stating the action first, you highlight what was done before explaining why, emphasizing the importance of the action itself.
Now you might be asking why I attribute the problems with my writing to be caused by a lot of coding and logic.
Let's explore some differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking and how that might affect our writing.
I highly recommend you check out Iain McGilchrist's work on this matter. Watch an hour or two of his interviews and you'll get a good understanding of the idea. I think it's critical to understanding ourselves and our world better, and recognizing how we can find balance within ourselves.
Left-Brain (First Draft):
Analytical: Focuses on breaking down the thought process into logical components.
Detail-Oriented: Emphasizes specific details like "white marble" and "prompts from the beginning."
Sequential: Follows a clear, linear progression of ideas, similar to how code execution is sequential.
Right-Brain (Last Draft):
Intuitive: Captures the initial, overall impression of the sketch more effectively.
Creative: Uses a more artistic and fluid language to express the same idea.
Holistic: Integrates action and rationale into a cohesive whole, making the sentence feel more complete and natural.
A background in logic and coding likely contributes to the left-brain dominance in the initial writing. Coding requires precision, attention to detail, and sequential thinking, which are all evident in the first draft's structure. The focus is on getting the core information down correctly, similar to writing functional code.
As the sentence is revised, I tap into more right-brain skills, such as intuition, creativity, and a focus on the overall flow and readability of the sentence. This balance between left-brain and right-brain thinking helps refine and improve the initial draft, leading to a more polished and engaging final product.
That's all for this one. I hope you enjoyed this post, and maybe discovered something new about yourself. It was cool to explore the idea together; myself, an AI, and you the audience. Give it a try on something you're trying to understand better and share it here!
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